I miss friends like this...

Here I am looking back on past journal entries from this fall thinking. Thinking about how I survived. If you are reading this chances are that at some point you have figured out that I have had cancer. I will give you a quick run down.

In March of 1994. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease Stage 4B. I was 15 and at the end of my freshman year of highschool. I was at a very advanced stage of disease when it was discovered. I had surgery 3 days after my first hospitalization and started chemotherapy one week later. I threw up a lot, lost weight and all of my hair. I was on chemo for 9 months. I learned a lot in those nine months and did a lot of growing up. I would love to write everything, but time limits me at the moment. I wouldn't exchange my experience with cancer fro anything. Looking back on it, I can see God's love and care through all of the pain and turmoil. These lessons are priceless.

Lessons that came with cancer, came with loss. In the teen support group there were about 9 of us who were a close knit group. We stuck together. We joked about our diseases and made games out of procedures. We triumphed over a disease that was robbing us of life. We cried at losses and we celebrated the smallest victories. With friends like these we never stood alone, even on the darkest day. I miss that. I miss the instant unspoken bond that we all had. I miss how we could all sit in a room and be somber at a loss and no one had to say anything. I miss friends who would celebrate your victory in their hour of their pain. I miss them all so much. Today, only 2 of us are alive.

I know that God has a purpose in everything. It just seems strange to me that He would choose to save me from something that took down other warriors. It seems unfair that I should live. After saving my live from cancer, God saved my soul! God, you chose me. Please help me to choose you!