Vacation

Its coming!

I am so excited about what is going on in my life right now that I cannot sleep. All I can do is think...
What am I thinking about you ask yourself? Well, worry no more... I am about to tell you!

Last weekend was one of the most emotional weekends I have had in a good while, yet I still cannot put my finger on the real problem. Of course I have a few ideas, but then I start getting frustrated with myself that those things affected me so much that I cried for hours. Now a week later I can see that the events last weekend were a big deal, and even admitting that is BIG for me. It feels like I am vulnerable to the actions of others way more than I want to be. I am trying to keep my emotions in check this week, I am not one to be emotional and dramatic about things. Some days I get frustrated that things aren't more easily managed by me. I am coming to the conclusion that emotions are OK, God created them. I am just praying that God will allow me to handle them in ways that will glorify Him not me.

I am thinking about the goodness and glory of God a lot these days. His sovereignty and perfection is always on my mind. I cannot grasp these concepts, it just blows my tiny finite mind! I get to thinking about it and my mind starts to run a million miles an hour. For a good book to read that will totally jump start this process for you read Sam Storms book, One Thing.


I think about God's purpose for suffering and what God has been trying to teach me through what seems like the most pointless suffering I will ever know, being the surviving sibling of a chronically ill child. I think about David's suffering in life and in his death a lot recently and it is weighing heavy on my heart. I want to rush through this first year without him as fast as possible to avoid things like his birthday, father's day and other holidays. As I struggle through this I have seen God's goodness time and time again. Still I sit and wonder what God is doing. What were the lessons God? Did I learn them well or are there more to come?

My first mission trip is coming up in a little less than a month. I cannot believe how God has changed my heart about this trip from this time last year. God is good. I am so excited about this trip that it is an all consuming thought!

I am excited about what God is doing in relationships in my life. He is bring new relationships together, rebuilding relationships that I have failed to nurture, and He is changing current friendships. My friendships with people are growing deeper and stronger than I would have ever expected. I am having conversations with people that last for hours at a time...all about Christ. I am blessed to have met many new friends that are so different from me, yet we share of love of Christ. This has been a blessing beyond measure.

As I have said a few times...many of these things are constantly on my mind. How do I reconcile them with God? WOW! These are big thoughts for someone whose mind is so small.

So all that said... my vacation is coming up... I am planning on spending quite a bit of time alone on the beach or in the cottage seeking God's will. Seeking God's plan for my life. Seeking God's desires for what I am to do with these thoughts... Seeking the Holy presence of a God who never leaves me...Funny I think I have to go 500 miles from home for that!