Feelings

It has been 3 weeks since I resigned from my children's ministry position. It has been a crappy 3 weeks.

I am having a hard time communicating and admitting to all of the feeling that I have had since then. Doing so makes me feel vulnerable and out of control. I know this is a huge pride issue and I am pray that God
will remove this from my life.

I am sad. I hate being sad because it puts me out of control and separates me from the world. People don't know how to deal with people who are sad and so they would rather not be around. I have left the only church home that I have know and left dozens of friends behind. I miss some of them and the security of that place. I know this is what God has called me to and I hate that!

I am angry. At God for putting my through this. I am angry at God for allowing me to hurt so badly. I am angry at God for not protecting me more through all of the hurtful situations I have been through in the past 5 years. I could go on. I have asked God to reveal to me if I am still angry at people and I have come to the realization that I am just sad for them.

I am confused. See above paragraph.

I can't trust people. I want to be able to, but I have been hurt so much by people that I can't. I hate that because I want to talk to people more about all of the stuff I am going through, but I am afraid. I know that the only one I can trust is God, but even that is hard right now.

I read Psalm 71
In you, O LORD , I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame. 2 Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness; turn your ear to me and save me. 3 Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress. 4 Deliver me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from the grasp of evil and cruel men. 5 For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD , my confidence since my youth. 6 From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. 7 I have become like a portent to many, but you are my strong refuge. 8 My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. 9 Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. 10 For my enemies speak against me; those who wait to kill me conspire together. 11 They say, "God has forsaken him; pursue him and seize him, for no one will rescue him." 12 Be not far from me, O God; come quickly, O my God, to help me. 13 May my accusers perish in shame; may those who want to harm me be covered with scorn and disgrace. 14 But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. 15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. 16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD ; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone. 17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. 18 Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come. 19 Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you? 20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. 21 You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. 22 I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God; I will sing praise to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel. 23 My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you- I, whom you have redeemed. 24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts all day long, for those who wanted to harm me have been put to shame and confusion.