Another Sunday has come and gone

It has been a grand total of 5 Sundays now that I have not been doing ministry. It feels good in a way but miserable in others.

I love not having to plan out my whole Saturday around the fact that I need 8 or more hours of sleep Saturday night. I am not rushing around on Saturday afternoon and looking for craft supplies or making last minute phone calls to people to fill in the holes that others have left behind. I haven't spent one Saturday night (in the last 5) laying in bed restless and trying to make my self relax and fall asleep. I no longer spend half of the night in worry and anxiety about Sunday. I don't struggle with getting up on Sunday and literally talking myself into leaving for church. I haven't had to think about who is teaching in what class and what kids will be at church. I don't have to miss fellowship doing "stuff" that no one else wants to do. I had to do it out of necessity. I no longer have to miss Worship to serve when others wouldn't. I no longer have to miss the sermon counting heads and taking kids on potty breaks because I was the only one. I don't have to rush to lunch and then home for a quick nap to head back for workshops on a Sunday evening where I would care for kids..Again..Mostly by myself... "No one else could." I get to be a part of my biological family on Sunday afternoons now and not miss so much of doing "ministry and church family" things. I get to be with the friends that I love and that love me. I am not completely exhausted on Sunday nights. I actually have my weekends back now. This is nice.

I miss the people. I miss the kids. I miss the excitement that comes from being with kids. I miss teaching. I miss holding babies and telling their parents how great they are (it is so amazing to tell a momma how great her baby is...(I mean it), I love the responses...Big smiles and sometime tears of happiness. I think hearing this must be like sweet music to their ears!) I miss listening to kids talk about what they have learned. I miss hugging and speaking love into them. I really miss the inside jokes between me and the kids, it drove other teachers crazy! I loved being their friend and I miss it.

I miss thoughts and feeling that came with Children's Ministry. I see now that most of these were sin. Worth. Pride, accomplishment, Pride, completing "impossible" tasks, Pride, disciplining the "most undisciplined child" successfully, and pride. Have I mentioned pride? I am trying hard to remember that I don't get my worth from any of these things, it is hard, especially because I did for so long.

Because Christ paid such a high price for my life, I am automatically of high value. I am worthy not because of who I am ( a friend, a daughter, a children's minister, a wife, a mom) but because of whose I am!