From 20 to 3, OK 4

Friday was a hard day. It was the first day of the "official" doneness of my life with the old church. I have never cut off relationships this finally before. It is similar to a death of a whole bunch of people, mostly people who I liked hanging out with.

At about 6 on Friday, I had a melt down of sorts... I knew what I could be doing, but I knew that God has better for me and that was hard to take in. I knew in an instant I could be back into life that was fun and exciting, and hurtful in the long run. I also knew who I could be with and exactly what we would be doing. Instead I was home alone with my mom laying in bed feeling VERY sad. For about 30 minute I debated whether or not to call some people who I had leaned on in the past for support in hard times, the only problem with that is the ended relationships. My other two friends were out on a date- with each other. HA! I know this old life is going to be tempting at times, but it isn't what God wants from me anymore.

This is the first time is my life that I have had to give up something of consequence for Christ. Sure I gave up the major sins when I started going to church 6 years ago, but those had slowly faded out for a while. You know, drinking, partying, hanging with the wrong crowd, ect.

Now it seems that I have given up so much more.

FRIENDS-All of my friends and I mean pretty much all! My church family-the first church I was a part of.

MINISTRY -My ministry or the ministry that God put me in charge of. My identity-I am no longer the children's minister. I never knew how much that stupid title meant to me. OUCH, pride much.

A JOB-now I have to find one! Yikes.

SECURITY -My security even though it wasn't the safest place, I felt secure in knowing what was next with that Church-with a job, friends, recreation, ect.

COMFORT-even for as much hell as I put up with this last year, I was comfortable. I knew what to expect and when to expect it.

KIDS-This is the worst. I am not sure how I am going to function these next few months without little ones to hold. I got to hold a toddler on Saturday, a total stranger, for about 2 minutes and it was then that I realized it could be a while. (It was a little girl at the Children's Hospital Cancer Survivors Party, I had to hold her to get her to stay in our group picture, thank you GOD!)

This is a scary and vulnerable place to be. Not many friends, no family members who can "get it" ( they all think I am NUTS), a new church, a new house, and a new job on the way. The only thing I have right now that is a sure thing is Christ. I always have Him.