Becasue of love

I am sad that I have to write about this but here it goes... Since my grandma died of cancer in October of 2001, I have said that cancer was a very familiar enemy and a common word in my life. That seems even more real than today than ever.

Here is a quick history of cancer in my life. My grandpa died of cancer when I was 5. My cousin, Dana, got neuroblastoma when she was 5 and died when she was 6. I was 14 when Dana went through treatment and died. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease when I was 15. As I was going through treatment I met tons of other teens and kids with cancer. I became friends with many of them. There was a common bond among us. After several years of living as a cancer patient and watching so many people I loved and cared about die, I needed a break from the cancer world. This is when I began stepping out of programs that the hospital and other organization offered and tried to live away from cancer. Then my grandma was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, she lived about 3 years after her diagnosis.

Since October 2001, I have been trying to maintain a good distance from cancer. A couple of random people who attended our church occasionally have been diagnosed here and there and it freaks me out every time. I talked to one of them once and told her I would pray. I talked to the mother of the other one and told her about my treatment and watched her dogs for a few days, but built a brick wall between my heart and her situation. I refused to be hurt by cancer again. It seemed to be my worst enemy.

In November of 2003, I had a big scare that my cancer had returned. I had to have a biopsy, Chest Xray and CT Scan. After several weeks of waiting and have test (and even a lady planning my chemo) my body was still cancer free. It is not possible for me to communicate what that was like, unless you have been there. And that is where I go from here.

My best friend, Brandi, has some form of lymphoma. Cancer. There it is again. All of the details are still very limited, we will know more on Friday. I am so thankful for my cancer today more than any other day since I was diagnosed. I will be able to walk alongside the ones I love , Brandi and her family. I am scared, but I trust in our God. I am sad, but still I trust in God. I am not sure my heart can handle this journey, but still I trust in my God. So because of love, here I go again...