Snowing again

More snow! I love snow. I just came back in from sitting on the porch. I went out to sit just to watch to snow come down. It was a good escape from the thoughts in my head.

Feeling so BLAH is no fun! I wish I could communicate my thoughts better. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me because I can't. Today that happened when a few people called and asked how I was. It is hard to answer because I don't want to say I am not good, because that always leads to a line of questioning. I also don't want to say I am good, because most of my friends can tell I am not, which also leads to a line of questioning. When I cannot name my emotions and understand myself, it makes it nearly impossible to explain to others. People just don't understand how I can go from being completely OK to not wanting to talk at all. Honestly, I don't get it either. It kind of scares me. I am sure that it is frustrating for my the people who love me, but do they realize it is hard for me too?

I hate it when I feel this way, but I know that God uses times like this to get to my heart. He has in the past and I trust He will now. Journaling is always a task, I am having trouble with that right now. Reading the Word has been tough in the past few days as well. I just don't know where or what to read. I just started reading through Psalm and looking at some verses I have marked. I am also reading a few books that have changed some of my thought about God and have given me a new perspective on some scripture. It is amazing to me how God uses some authors to animate scripture in a way that I get more out of it.